The Reason
by Snow and Blossom
Summary: I'm not a perfect person. I never meant to do those things to you. SanzoxOC


**The Reason**

"_I've found a reason for me_

_To change who I used to be_

_A reason to start over new_

_and the reason is you"_

Sanzo sat outside, it was pouring rain and yet he didn't care, he would normally be in a pissy mood but right now he really just wasn't paying attention to it. Busy lost in his own thought the world around him seemed distant and unimportant. Somewhere in the far back of his mind the rain comforted her that she was still watching and that her emotions had once again caused the rain to pour down. It was his fault she had died, his fault they fell he knew it and he regretted it every day of his life. It they hadn't gotten separated in that battle, they might still be alive, Nai might still be alive. Sanzo knew he wasn't perfect and now a year later he was wondering how he wasn't a complete screw up. He was regretting it but he was learning thanks to several ass kickings from Gojyo and even Hakkai. He had never meant to do those things to Nai, the only girl he could ever fall in love with.

If she were here right now he would tell her everything he had kept from her or not been able to tell her. She had given him a reason to be different not the miserable boss person time had worn him to. He really hadn't meant to hurt her but, he was scared of what he felt and had rejected it, her. If she were here now he would dry her tears and try to take them back if he could. He knew that would be impossible but he would try by trying to make her twice as happy in the future, making all her days bright like they had been in heaven. He wondered if thats where she was, it was certainly where she belonged, and also would explain the rain a bit more.

Nai wasn't the only one who fell though and Sanzo wasn't the only one who had been affected by their death's. But right now he felt selfish and wanted it to just be about him and Nai. How could he forget the ever so gentile but sinister Yuki who had helped him sort out many of his feelings, sometimes by force or blackmail but often by words that just hit him. Gojyo had lost her, his only love, and he had never gotten over it either but at least she knew when she died that she had truly mattered to someone what had Nai felt. They had both not deserved it and the Sanzo party lived with it every day, having it weigh heavy on each of their hearts. He couldn't forget his current companions though and their feelings. Yuki had become Gojyo's reason like Nai had become Sanzo's, Sanzo just never showed it. Both of them were not ready to die bu had been snatched up because of an accident that was Sanzo's fault. They were the most innocent people Sanzo had ever known, even though Nai tended to cuss and Yuki had many evil schemes, but they had always had the best intentions during their lives.

He wanted with all his might to take back the last words he said before they parted. Maybe it would make her passing a little easier. Especially today Goku refused to get out of bed and wouldn't eat a bite of food, Hakkai just kept staring at the sky or a clock as if he was trying to make the time pass faster or as if he was waiting, Gojyo hadn't been seen all day but he hadn't been to the lone bar and club in this village and his cigarettes and lighter were in the room. Sanzo himself had already smoked almost two packs of cigarettes and was seriously contemplating getting drunk. "When you lose your reason," he contemplated aloud "You lose everything." He held the bottle of Sake up as a toast to the rain and to reason when he brought it to his lips and took a drink he noticed that it tasted like rain, that is what he imagined Nai would taste like rain and something that burned like alcohol does.

**A/N:** Hi everyone. Yeah, Yuki is my character in any stories Blossom or I might write. This is the first oneshot I'll be posting of perhaps many. I hope you all like it. It is part of a compilation that I'm starting and Nai will contribute to. The compilation is the preface of our upcoming Saiyuki story so I hope you all will read that. Sorry about the spelling and grammar, mine is not the best. The inspiration for this fic is the son the Reason by Hoobastank.


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